Keep good company

The first time I heard "you are the company you keep," it came from someone who didn't live it at all.

He was an international yoga teacher. He led 500-hour certifications. He prided himself on his knowledge of yoga philosophy, could wrap himself in a pretzel, and hold a handstand longer than humanly possible. He exuded charisma and held a room's attention with effortless authority. His waitlist was large. His ego was larger.

He also lacked humility, used his position to divide people, picked favorites, and quietly undermined anyone who challenged him. He said all the right things. He imparted wisdom with authority. He just didn't have any.

I think about him every time I scroll through social media and see experts everywhere peddling a new product or program to help you be your best self. Because here's the thing — your best self isn't in a program or a supplement. It's in your community - it's who you choose to spend your time with that truly determines who you will become.

As we approach the summer solstice, the longest day, it's worth taking inventory. Not of your followers or even your sleep score, but of your people. Your consistent relationships will determine what seeds you plant and what you harvest in the coming year. There's no real magic in it. It's just being human.

I've moved a lot in my life, which means I've had the pleasure of meeting lots of people and making new friends. Moving strips away the friendships held together by proximity and habit and leaves you with the ones held together by something real — shared values, mutual respect, the kind of trust that survives distance and silence, and the occasional hard conversation.

Making new friends as an adult is not easy. It requires having the opportunity to meet people who share your values or at least interests. It requires discernment. It requires patience. Real trust is earned slowly. There will be things you want to accomplish, so by all means, it is important to accept the big Invitation, head away for the weekend, or even join a club or group, but don't rush the journey.

What I look for now is simpler than it used to be. Curiosity. Kindness. Courage. People who are inclusive and not divisive. People who are grounded —not performing, not gossiping, but just genuinely Interested In the world around them. Those people inspire and make you better without trying.

The yoga teacher was right about one thing, even if he couldn't demonstrate it: the pose is the pose, but how you get there is everything. As another teacher of mine nicely reminded - there are a lot of a**holes who can get their foot behind their head. Alternatively, you can nail the pose and still miss the point of the practice. Plenty of people do.

Surrounding yourself with trustworthy, humble, curious, and kind people might not get you a waitlist. It doesn't require certification. It is not even a power play for a leadership role. The answers, as it turns out, were always going to come from the inside out. The only curriculum is paying attention to who you're becoming, and making sure the company you keep is worthy of the person you're trying to be.

Keep good company.